Daily Haterade: Nino Niederreiter

Disclaimer: If the Minnesota Wild win on Thursday, I’m going to be an extremely conflicted sports writer.

In honor of the Arizona Coyotes getting their first chance to face off against Mike “behavior problems” Ribeiro since he signed in Nashville this summer, I decided to do a post respectfully bashing my least favorite Central Division forward. Then I decided: what the hey, let’s do ’em for every game!

Today’s hate recipient: Nino Niederreiter

Everyone’s favorite lockout-season Ryan Johansen, Nino Niederrieter belongs on my hate list for a number of reasons.

First, I like the Islanders to an extent, and I’m bound to dislike anyone who forces a team to deal with that which is Cal Clutterbuck. The “il Nino” caused this, and I’m not entirely sure I forgive him for it.

Also, who refers to themselves as Il Nino? One of my friends told me that Niederreiter looks like the kid you stuffed in a locker in middle school, and he’s not wrong. Plus, he’s not the next Sidney Crosby, or even the next Zach Parise. All hail Zachy-poo, may you continue to outscore the Needz.

Sep 27, 2014; Saint Paul, MN, USA; Minnesota Wild right wing Nino Niederreiter (22) celebrates his goal with left wing Michael Keranen (36) in the second period against the Winnipeg Jets at Xcel Energy Center. Mandatory Credit: Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports

Look at this kid’s face. Who does he think he is?

I also hate Nino Niederreiter because I went through this brief phase (that I may or may not still be in) where I want[ed] to marry Nino Niederreiter, solely for the chance to take his last name. Cat Niederreiter. Catherine Niederreiter. Catherine Silverman-Niederreiter. Catherine Bolton-Silverman Niederreiter. The overwhelming possibilities are endless.

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Joking aside, il Nino is probably on pace to be for the Wild what Brad Marchand is for the Bruins, which is a twenty-plus goal scorer who revels in disappointing fans through embarassingly long bursts of sub-par play. We saw an opening night goal, and then this season’s been zip for the 22-year old forward.

I got talked out of drafting him in fantasy this year, which was smart, cause I picked up Mikkel Boedker in our forwards-generic league instead. I’m so happy.

Also, just to toss it out there: Nino’s first season in the NHL, which saw him play 55 games with the Islanders in 2011-2012, found the forward with a spectacular -29. He had one goal in 55 games. He also had 74 shots.

And he wanted the Islanders to put him on the team after the lockout. They didn’t so he cried his way to Minnesota.

Lolpls.

My prediction: Nino Niederreiter gets belligerent during Thursday’s game, cause that’s how he does it, and gets the everliving crap beaten out of him by Shane Doan. Knew Doaner was good for something this year.

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