Daily Haterade: Mike Green

Nov 9, 2013; Glendale, AZ, USA; Washington Capitals goalie Michal Neuvirth (30) makes a save as defenseman Mike Green (52) defends against Phoenix Coyotes center Mike Ribeiro (63) during the third period at Jobing.com Arena. The Coyotes defeated the Capitals 4-3 in the overtime shootout. Mandatory Credit: Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

“I don’t know what it is about your face,  [holds up fist] but I just wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole.”

So while this quote is directed at Will Ferrell in the hilarious “Step Brothers,” I like to think it applies to Mike Green as well.  Can anyone honestly say that they like this guy? Didn’t think so. Heck, Caps fans don’t even like him.

For starters, the guy has made a career out of looking like a wanna-be punk rocker turned hockey player, or is it the other way around? I don’t know, but you get the point.

He routinely “rocked the hawk” in his younger years, especially around playoff time. Some found it to be a tough look, but the majority of us can agree a mohawk is the sure sign of a douche. He was somehow voted Cosmopolitan Magazine’s sexiest hockey player of 2013. Now I’m no expert on what women find sexy, but something tells me Green is not it. It does provide us with another reason why we love to hate this guy. As fans we care about the game, not how a player “smolders.”

Okay, so aside from his off-ice style issues, I have to admit he is a talented defenseman- when he wants to be. For Coyotes fans, a lot of similarities have been drawn between Green and ‘Yotes star Keith Yandle. While they couldn’t be more different off the ice, both possess strong offensive games.

A two time Norris Trophy nominee, Green is one of only eight defenseman in league history to score 30 goals in a single season. Capable of highlight reel goals in one game and being a virtual no show the next, Green continues to frustrate fans with his lack of consistency over the course of his career. He’s the type of player who makes you want to tear you hair out. For all his offensive skill he struggles to play basic defense. He was probably the only kid who could skate backwards when he was 5 and voila he’s now a defenseman who really should be a forward.

If Green could figure out the defensive side of his game (you know the important part of being a DEFENSEMAN) he might be able to turn that Norris Trophy nominee title into Norris Trophy winner. So far this season he is off to a great start with 8 points in 9 games and playing very solid defense. Clearly Barry Trotz has had a positive impact on Green’s game, and starting the year off healthy has helped as well after a few injury plagued seasons. Hopefully, the Coyotes can stifle that strong start in tonight’s match up in D.C.

So maybe there’s hope for ol’ Mike after all, however, there’s just some things that can’t be forgiven. In the “Mean Girls” that is life, Mike Green definitely can’t sit with us.