The Bissonnette Challenge, Who Do You Like?
By Jack Briggs
It is not every day that you have two people named Bissonnette in the news. We all know Paul as the fan favorite 4th liner for life of the Phoenix Coyotes. Mark, under the pen name Mark Own, wrote “No Easy Day” a first-hand account of the mission that resulting in the death of Osama Bin Laden. I think the challenge is to determine which one is greater. Using stringent criteria, it is up to us which one we appreciate more for their service to their country. Since Paul has dual citizenship, I’ve selected the US for him. Mark is a US citizen as well. Level playing field.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the Bissonnette Challenge.
TALE OF THE TAPE
Paul: 27 years old. 6’3″ 220 Lbs Left Handed Shot. Favorite Move- Knee Drop Snipe. Weapon of Choice-Easton RS or Combat Hitman
Mark: 36 years old. No height or weight given. Shoots with both hand. Favorite Move-Double tap to the chest with one to the head with magazine change in under 2 seconds. Weapon of Choice-H&K MP5 supressed
Advantage: Mark. While Paul has perfected the knee drop snipe like Jeremy Roenick, Mark is more likely to encounter the enemy of the field of battle versus Paul perfectly centered on the bench or in the pressbox.
Birthplace
Paul: Born in Welland, Ontario, Canada
Mark: Born in Wrangell, Alaska
Advantage: Paul. The advantage of a Dual citizenship makes if faster for Paul to clear customs in North America legally. Mark enters a country via boat insertion or HALO drop. Papers not needed as no one knows he is there, but equipment choices limited to what he can carry vs the cargo hold of the airplane used by Paul.
TEAM
Paul: Member of the Phoenix Coyotes, previously on the Pittsburgh Penguin. Minor league team includes the Wheeling Nailers.
Mark: Member of Seal Team Six after passing BUD/S training from the US Navy.
Advantage: Paul. He was a linemate for Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. Very few can lay claim as being on the same line of two Hart Trophy winners.
Training
Paul: Participates in BioSteel Training
Mark: Completed SERE Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape (SERE) School as well as Hell Week, where he ran in the sun and surf while carrying a 12 man boat over his head. After nighttime swims in the freezing surf. With no sleep.
Advantage: Mark. Even though Paul got a free pair of Nike sneakers and BioSteel nutritional supplement, Mark has the training to not only take the sneakers from Paul, but would generate the nutrition needed to fuel his escape from normal household cleaning agents, kill his captors, and rescue the fair maiden.
Signature Moment
Paul: His goal against the Buffalo Sabres in 2012 gave the Coyotes the win and denied the 2 points Buffalo. Those 2 points are exactly what Buffalo missed the 8th spot of the playoffs by.
Mark: Participated in the successful rescue and neutralizationSomali pirates that captured a US cargo ship in 2009. In 2012, was a member of the team that successfully neutralized and killed Osama Bin Laden, capping an 11 year search.
Advantage: Paul. Paul’s lone goal broke the hearts of legions of Buffalo Sabres fans and you scored it in front of your family. Mark has had numerous kills. The seas are filled with pirates. The Coyotes and Sabres played once in 2012. He chose that moment to make your family proud as they were in the stands to see Mrs. Bissonnette’s baby boy get ice time. While Mark had a great accomplishment with the Bin Laden kill, there is no way to know if he actually pulled the trigger on OBL. Furthermore, the team had to leave a helicopter at the site because the compound wall prevented air lift. Paul got plenty of lift on his game winning shot.
Vacation Plans Away From The Ice
Paul: Partied in Las Vegas with numerous NHL players. Last year’s stop included a cabana party attended by Paulina Gretzky.
Mark: Probably in a submarine waiting to be delivered to kill a terrorist cell or cave in Tora Bora. To kill a terrorist cell.
Advantage: Paul. Paulina Gretzky. In a swimsuit. In Vegas. Winner.
Current Team Leader:
Paul: Shane Doan, the last member of the Winnipeg Jets still playing for the Phoenix Coyotes.
Mark: The Rogue Warrior himself Richard Marcinko.
Advantage: Paul. This one was close The Viet Cong put up wanted posters of Richard Marcinko and called him SharkMan Of The Delta. Marcinko formed Seal Team Six after pulling team members off other seal teams and had to have them combat ready in six months. He led the Seals on successful missions all over the world to defend the USA. Richard went from enlisted member to officer (Captain) who earned a Masters Degree. I have every one of his books and an autographed poster. Shane, well, Shane is Jesus. And Jesus never loses.
Media
Paul: Twitter king who introduced the world to ” twooping.” Guest on OTR and Morning Sickness 98 KUPD.
Mark: Wrote “No Easy Day.”
Advantage: Mark. Paul has over 319,000 followers on Twitter. Sauce Hockey made shirts with his likeness and lines such as 4L4L (fourth line for life). Paul does a weekly guest spot on John Holmberg’s Morning Sickness show 98 KUPD. Mark wrote a book. If you follow Paul on twitter, spelling and grammar are not his strong suites. He would give an editor a stroke.
The winner of the Bissonnette challenge is Paul. There are hundreds of Navy Seals, but there is only one biznasty2pointO.