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Sam Gagner’s Slapshot: An Open Letter To Santa Claus

By Catherine Silverman

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Sam Gagner deserves his chance to shine! Santa, let’s have a chat:

Okay, Santa, let’s talk.

I really think, all things considered, that I’ve been a good kid this year. I didn’t get into any fights on the ice (after like, May, which is totally impressive), and I’ve been an upstanding citizen. I don’t talk badly about the Arizona Coyotes (even when they lose), and I’ve even toned back on the blatant Brad Marchand bias… at least, kind of.

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    • I’m not here to talk about me, though. I think we need to have a chat about Tuesday night’s game against the Edmonton Oilers.

    First, Santa, it was nice of you to bring the Coyotes a win (even if it was against the team that they always beat, so I don’t know how much you played into that little 5-1 Christmas miracle anyway). It was also nice of you to give Sam Gagner two goals and two assists — oh, and Brandon Gormley two points in his first game back, and Martin Hanzal three assists… I could go on for days. Thank you, Santa.

    I’d like to address this Saturday, though.

    Sam Gagner is not exactly the most efficient goal scorer on the team, until he is. You know how it goes.

    For Christmas, could you bring him some consistency?

    While you’re at it, I’d like to see Mike Smith visited by Jacob Marley during the night. In much the same way that Marley shows Mr. Scrooge the true meaning of Christmas and convinces him to part with his miserly ways, I’d like to see Marley take Smith on a tour of Coyotes seasons past, present, and future — then convince him to relinquish his death grip on that whole ‘no movement clause’. If Mike Smith announces to Don Maloney on December 25th that he’s willing to waive his NMC, that would REALLY be a Christmas Miracle.

    Let’s see; I don’t want to ask for too much, so I’m trying to decide what I want most. Is it Connor McDavid? Jack Eichel? Craig MacTavish’s miraculous agreement to swap Antoine Vermette and a prospect for Jordan Eberle? So many things I’d like to ask for.

    I don’t want to be greedy, though… so the last thing I think you should bring this holiday season is an article all about Max Domi, published by SportsNet.

    Santa, I know you’re probably trying — it’s been a tough year in the NHL, so I totally understand. I know you’re probably busy curing Olli Maatta of the mumps, making sure the Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh doesn’t get the mumps, and doing something nice for Clint Reif’s family. I don’t want to take you away from that… but Santa, I’d really appreciate it if you brought Max Domi a little recognition by people other than Arizona Coyotes fans. He’s such a good player, and he’s so exciting to watch — can you, for Christmas, get all these McDavid zombies to see him? That would go a long way towards boosting his confidence and helping Arizona in the long haul.

    I won’t take up any more of your time, Santa, but please think about these things.

    Happy Holidays!

    Sincerely, Catherine.

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